Do you ever wake up tired in the morning? Are you hungry frequently? Sometimes as many as three times a day? Do you experience headaches at inconvenient times? Do you have feelings of loneliness even when you’re in a room full of people? Do you sometimes feel like your life has no direction? Do you fight the urge to procreate constantly? Do you feel the need to inform everyone you know of everything you do?
You’re not alone. You may be suffering from Modern Life: a serious and potentially fatal disease.
There is something you can do to feel better: Live
Take a walk. Turn off your cellphone. Play with a puppy. Eat meals and chew your food before you swallow it. Draw a picture even if you don’t consider yourself to be artistically inclined. Actively listen to music. Practice safe sex. Ask other people how they feel. Listen to them. (Listen as opposed to just waiting for your turn to speak) Compliment strangers. Compliment yourself. Sleep as much as your body tells you to as the amount of sleep needed may vary from person to person.
Side effects may include: elevated mood, genuine empathy, feelings of connectedness to others, a decrease in unplanned offspring, increase in self esteem, a general feeling of calm, feeling of being “in the moment”
Please contact your doctor immediately if you: feel that you may be capable of flight, feel a strong desire to move to Portland, or have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours.
If you are offended by this blog: don’t take yourself so seriously because God knows I don’t.